5 Problem Areas Identified To Improve Your Relationship

A relationship can experience it fluxes and flows, but a strong, stable relationship will withstand the difficult times and grow stronger. There are several areas, though, that are often overlooked by couples. These areas should not be ignored because they can be detrimental to the relationship. Any one of these can lead to another problem or even several. It is best to go in to the relationship with your eyes open and as prepared as possible. As long as you stay aware and are proactive you may be able to save your relationship.

Lack of Communication
When you stop communicating with your partner, you relationship will go downhill fast. Communication is key to maintaining the bond with your partner. A good method of communication is just to talk. Simple, yes, but there is more. Each partner gets a certain amount of time (5 or 8 minutes) to talk with no interruptions. The other partner should pay attention and really listen to their partner. If they must, take notes for things that may require a rebuttal or extra attention.

Incompatibility
Sometimes things just don't work out. Some people are not meant to be together and it is important that you can realize that. Do not mistake comfort or fear of change for love. If you are incompatible with your partner but you think that it can be rectified, then try to work it out. If you can't work it out, it may be necessary to cut your losses and move on.

Lack of Respect
Lack of respect has no place in a relationship. If your partner does not respect you or you can not respect your partner, but you need to take steps to correct that. Try counseling to correct this massive problem but if you can not respect your partner or he or she can't or won't respect you then it is time to move on. Respect is vital in any relationship and if it is absent then the relationship really does not have a leg to stand on, meaning that it is weak and fragile.

Money Arguments
Financial disagreements are one of the top three reasons that couples divorce. There has to be open communication and complete honesty when it comes to financial matters. If you feel that you can not be honest with your partner then there is a greater underlying problem and counseling is necessary. However, if you can talk openly with your partner, then set up a budget together. Decide what money goes where and establish a "play fund" for the two of you. Then stick to that budget and work together to make it work.

Infatuation vs Love
What is the difference between infatuation and love? Different people have different ideas. Bottom line, though, is that infatuation is short term and love is lasting. Infatuation tends to burn brightly at first, but once the honeymoon period wears off, infatuation has nothing left to talk about while love can find so many more things to love about your partner.

How To Deal With A Break Up is an online portal with expert break up articles and reviews. Visit for free relationship advice and tips.

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Relationship Advice - Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair

Affairs, including emotional affairs, are typicall unplanned events. Even when we are on that slippery slope, we convince ourselves everything in OK.

"But we're just friends" are four of the most dangerous words for your relationship and marriage.

But over and over in my office and on the phone I hear it: "We are just friends, there is nothing going on."

The majority of extramarital affairs begin as "just friends." While it is certainly true that there are affairs that begin with impulsive one-night stands with a stranger, the most common ones that I see begin as "just friends." In fact, if you find yourself thinking or saying "but we are just friends" you are probably already in trouble.

Gary Rosberg of America's Family Coaches states that there are at least 19 stages a person will pass through on the way to physically consummating an extramarital affair. There are at least two important notions that we can lift from Rosberg's statement:

1) At each and every one of the 19 steps, you have a clear choice between going further down or stopping the process. In other words, these things don't "just happen."

2) An affair - by the way, I hate that term!

It makes it sound like it is this wonderful experience with no consequences ... as in "It was a grand affair." In my marital counseling and relationship coaching experience, adultery breaks up marriages, wrecks families and crushes kids.

Anyway, now that my rant is over, an affair becomes adultery long before the physical act. In fact, emotional affairs can be stronger and more difficult to get out of than physical affairs.

The late Shirly Glass was a pioneer in the area of emotional affairs. In her 2003 book "NOT Just Friends: Protect your relationship from infidelity and heal the trauma of betrayal," Glass identifies three red flags that indicate that you have progressed from a safe friendship to a romantic emotional affair.

1) You feel closer to your friend than you do your spouse.

You find yourself thinking of this person more and more often and looking forward to the next time you are together. When something happens during the day, the first person you think of telling is this friend, not your spouse.

2) Keeping secrets.

You no longer feel comfortable telling your spouse about this person. You begin to cover up so as not to be found out.

3) An increasing sexual tension.

You admit your attraction for each other, but promise (complain) that you can never act on it. You fantasize what it would be like to be with this person. This helps to create a pretend world where everything would be wonderful if the two of you could just be together.

One of the most overlooked and dangerous facts about emotional affairs is that we are all vulnerable. If you believe that this fact does not apply to you, then you are even more vulnerable than everyone else.

How to protect yourself and your relationship

Keep clear boundaries. A boundary is simply what kids mean when they say "don't go there."

Avoid being alone with and/or emotionally close to someone to whom you are attracted.

Talk often about your spouse. "Spouse bashing" does not count. Talk about what you have done lately and what you are looking forward to with your spouse.

If you are going to talk about emotional issues in your marriage, make sure you are talking to your spouse, a trusted friend who is on the side of you and your marriage or a professional who is on the side of your marriage.

Be especially careful at work. More and more emotional affairs are occurring in the workplace. You spend time together, you go through crises together, you solve problems together. Do not make a habit of taking private lunches or breaks with the same person over and over.

Set up a review committee in your mind. Ask yourself, "Would my wife, my mom, my wife's mom, my sister approve of what I am doing right now?" or, "Would my husband, my dad, my husband's dad, my brother approve of what I am doing right now?"

If the answer is no, then I offer you what I call my RLH prescription.

RHL stands for Run Like Hell!

Here is a cold dose of reality: 75 percent of marriages between affair partners result in divorce.

Not at all the result wanted at the beginning of an emotional affair.

Want to know more about how to prevent and recover from an emotional affair? I invite you to visit to subscribe to my fr'ee report on the Top 10 Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair - and check out my brand new book "Your Emotional Affair - The Ultimate Guide to Recovery & Prevention."

All from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring - host of Relationship Radio in Atlanta.

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